Author: alishiadlee

100 Dates……3 Years and Counting

Posted on by alishiadlee

Now that 100 Dates is officially over, here are my biggest take aways.

#1 Never say Never – I remember telling myself the things i’d never do, never get on a social dating site, never tell my business about dating to anyone aside from my squad, never date someone without kids, never this, never that. I realized how freeing saying YES to myself was. Yes Alishia- go do that, Yes Alishia, be open.

#2 Stick to my standards– Saying never has nothing to do with defining your bottom line DYBL    sticking to your standards will only protect your time and emotions. I was able to save so much time, attention, and heart ache, by sticking to the realistic standards I set for myself.

#3 Understanding I am an example– My daughter’s surprised me through the years, reminding me subtly that they were watching my every move, especially as it related to dating. My teenager knew immediately if a guy was above or below my standards by how I described his actions.  I am setting a blueprint for what she should and shouldn’t accept.

#4 Tell the Story! – I knew three years ago that this would be a challenge to tell. I tend to be a private person, but knew I would have to step out of my comfort zone and be brave in telling my personal story. Hopefully it’ll help someone else along the way. (Or at least be entertaining)

#5 Love me first- This is the most important lesson of all. I learned so much about who I am as a person and what I believe in. Taking time for self care was imperative in  the process along with having a solid group of friends to bounce ideas and experiences off of.

I started this process full of feelings of loss and inadequacy and ended on top of the world. Thank you all for being a part of 100 dates.

#WhatAlishiaLeeThinks

 

 

 

 

Overall I am happy with myself and with the man that I am dating. I didn’t know if i’d end up single or not at the end of this journey when I started and I still don’t. I’ve learned a ton about who I am as a mother, woman, and lover.

Thank you

100 Dates…….#100….The End…& Beginning!

Posted on by alishiadlee

Guy: Mr. P

Date: Seasons 52

Spoiler Alert! Don’t panic. I didn’t break up with Mr. P.

Over the years I would end things with the guys I dated over a nice meal at Seasons. I’d pay for the food and after the check, tell them it was over- then stay for desert myself or leave them there to eat dessert alone. I wanted to break that tradition with Mr. P  on my 100th date. (Which also happened to be our 90th day dating) I had told Mr. P about my breakup spot before so he was not thrilled that we were going. I reassured him on the drive that we’d be entering and leaving dinner as a couple.

I was reminded of why Season’s is one of my favorite restaurants as soon as we arrived. (I was relieved a bit that I was coming to share good things with my date rather than the usual) From the service to the live music playing in the background it’s the perfect place to start or end a romance. I was nervous for the first time ever being there with a man, mainly because Mr. P was my man, someone I couldn’t see my life without and it scared the crap out of me. I knew I was falling since he asked me to be his girlfriend, but did my best to check those feelings as quickly as they came… I failed.

During dinner, once I had a glass of wine and the conversation was in a good spot, I took a breath and told him that I was happy and excited for what’s to come. I explained that my quiet demeanor over the past few weeks was me fighting with my own emotions. That my Like 2.0 had evolved rather quickly into me falling in love with him. He smiled big, taking a second before telling me that he wasn’t too far behind. I teared up a bit and said some mushy stuff to him that I won’t share here.

Mr. P stepped away to use the restroom and our spiky haired server Brian came over to refill our glasses. He told me welcome back, and asked if we were celebrating anything special. I didn’t want to say, ” Well this is the 100th date of my blog and 90th date with this stud and I usually bring guys here to break up with but I want to keep this fella forever so this is an I almost love you date.” instead, I said our anniversary. Brian smiled and said congrats. I had to quickly tell Mr. P what happened when he returned to the table so there wouldn’t be any awkward surprises.  Brian returned with two complementary flutes of champagne, thanking us for celebrating our anniversary with them.  Mr. P and I grinned at each other and enjoyed the unexpected and free bubbly.

Later, Brian took the check, thanking “Mr. & Mrs. Lee” for coming in, along with another congratulations. Although hilarious, I like to think of today as foreshadowing for the future.

3 years, 100 dates, and I am falling in love with an amazing human.  I am a fearful ball of emotions ready to see what the future has in store for us.

 

Update: Mr. P and I are happily in love (He said it later in the year in the craziest way! haha) He’s my person and I can hardly contain my joy. He adds such a richness to my life that I never knew I needed. Cheers to 100 Dates! No matter what happens after this post. I can say that the journey of 100 Dates ended in me falling in love with myself and an amazing man. Thank you for sticking with me during the process. Your support and encouragement have meant the world to me.

To Mr. P I love you, thank you, let’s do this!!!

P.S Happy Birthday

#WhatAlishiaLeeThinks

100 Dates…. #99…Like 2.0

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Date: Mr. P

Date: Dinner at the Commonwealth Bistro

Mr. P  talked up the restaurant a bit ago and we decided to enjoy dinner there. I had just met his best friend who owns the restaurant after New Years, so I was glad to be able to put a face to the name he spoke so highly about. As we walked up, I realized I had been there before for a happy hour networking event. I hadn’t had the specific food Mr. P praised but I remembered it being great.   We were greeted by a bubbly bartender who greeted Mr. P with a loud “Nice to see you again!” Without hesitation he introduced me as his girlfriend, It was the first time I had heard him say it in public since he asked. Warmth washed over me and all I could do is smile and return the greeting. She smiled big, and said, ” Oh, you are beautiful.” like she knew something I didn’t.

We were seated near the kitchen where all of the action was, our servers took fantastic care of us and I sat stunned when I tried the gnocchi. (Trust me- it’s brilliant) Mr. P and I ate every crumb, talking over the intricate delicate details of the dish. I watched him intently as he explained the menu items, sipped his fancy beer and looked at me across the table. I loved it.

His mood stiffened for a moment as he looked at me. Before I could ask what was up, he told me that he hope I knew how much he cared about me. I could tell that he was struggling a little, maybe nervous to say what he had to say. He summed up his feelings by saying how serious he takes saying love, so he wants to be sure he’s there. We joked for a bit after lightening the mood and landing on Like 2.0 to describe how we were feeling for each other. I could have told him right there that I was falling in love with him, but opted out for the sake of pressure. Who am I kidding, I totally chickened out.

We wrapped up dinner, said our goodbyes, later walking hand in hand to the car.

Side note: If you haven’t been to the commonwealth in Covington , KY, you are missing out royally. Not only is the service and food some of the best I’ve had, the ambiance is excellent.

#WhatAlishiaLeeThinks

100 Dates….. #97….Meeting the Family

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Guy: Mr. P

Date: His Mother’s House

I wouldn’t normally count this as a date, but it felt like one to me. Similar to meeting someone for the first time, I was nervous to meet his mother and sister, the kind of nervous you get before doing something you’ve been wanting to do, but also knowing the severity of it. I changed my outfit a few times and made sure we stopped to get her favorite wine to help with the good impression I was hoping to make.

Her house was lovely, warm like her greeting. She’s a beautiful woman, inviting and bubbly. She shook my hand then pulled me in for a nice tight hug, complimenting me on my appearance and how much she’d heard about me. She was pleased with the wine, commenting that I must have done a little homework. Mr. P waited and watched the interaction, before greeting her as well.  I met her husband and Mr. P’s sister and BF, his sister gave me a hug as well, giving me a quick evaluation as the group gathered to chat and make food for Mama P’s birthday. I liked it, I felt the sister vibe and respected it.

I’d met his youngest brother, wife and kids around the holidays so conversation was fairly easy. I joined in on cooking tempura with the family, drinking wine and listening to their childhood stories. Mr. P would send me a wink every now and then as he checked me out interacting with his people.

As I had hoped, Mama P pulled me aside to chat about my daughters, and my life, inviting us to their beach house in the summer. She mentioned loving spoiling grand kids and I smiled at her sweetness, not expecting such inclusion. (I’ve never met a mom so open and welcoming to me and my family at the first meeting.)

At the end of the night, we helped clean up and said our goodbyes. When we were leaving everyone hugged me tightly. Mama P grabbed my hands, telling me how fond she was of me and said, “Stay with us.” (I wanted to cry honestly, feeling so loved so quickly was a new feeling for me. I was almost overwhelmed) I told her I was excited to see her again and we were off.

We recapped the night as he drove me home, I felt full, not from the food alone, but from how loving and genuine his family was to me. I can say that I can’t wait to see them again.We kissed goodnight and he walked me to the door as usual. I felt my heart beating fast and my palms get sweaty. I am falling for this man.

#WhatAlishiaLeeThinks

100 Dates…….#98…..Meet the Parents Part 2

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Guy: Mr. P

Date: The Rook and The Eagle

We decided to round out the weekend of meeting the families with Mr. P meeting my mother. We took her to the Eagle for a dinner (she loved it) and the two of them started talking right away. She’d seen him in passing over the months that we’d been seeing each other but hadn’t had a full on conversation. Neither of them had ever been to the Eagle, so I suggested starting there before we took her over to see The Waitress, showing at the Aronoff.

The restaurant was noisy,  the food was great. We were able to keep the conversation going and they both enjoyed the food. After dinner, we walked her up to the show, keeping with the theme of lighthearted convo. We dropped her off and went over to the rook to play games to pass the time. He liked my mom, saying how he can see where I get some of my personality from. I showed him the text she had sent to me a few moments before, “I like him, he increases your glow.” He let me know how  much that meant to him and we lingered in our feels for a bit.

After dinner and the show, the three of us walked through OTR, mom regaling us with the highs and lows of the show. I was happy to hear that she’d enjoyed herself. Mr. P made sure to chime in, giving my hand a squeeze and flashing me his classic smile.  Later I told my mom that I was falling for him and all she could do is smile and say, ” I can tell. He is too.”

#AlltheFeels

#WhatAlishiaLeeThinks

 

100 Dates……#96….New Year New Boo

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Guy: Mr. P

Date: Brown Dog Cafe NYE

In the weeks leading up to NYE Mr. P and I  spent a lot of time continuing our deep conversations, including talking about exclusivity. Our pace was steady, we planned on talking about moving forward exclusively after the holidays and NYE happened to be the night. I was nervous and excited for our conversation, I was sure about my feelings, but saying it out loud is still something I wrestled with.

After searching for something to do for a week or so, we landed on a quiet dinner with just the two of us at Brown Dog Cafe. They offered a three course menu with nice options for a reasonable price. We arrived early and sat at the bar until it was time for our reservation.

He looked damn good. He usually is pretty casual, but he put it all on for our night out. He wore a sport coat, wine colored shirt,jeans and shoes. His simple yet sophisticated style made my estrogen flare up. He smiled graciously and returned my compliments each time. Catching me off guard a bit when he said I was the prettiest girl in the restaurant. (Mini swoon) I did come to slay though.

I was impressed by the decor and ambiance of the restaurant. High ceilings, well-lit, attentive staff, low noise for the size of the restaurant. I messed up by ordering an unfamiliar wine, it ended up being too dry for my taste. He chuckled, taking the wine and drinking it himself, reassuring me that it was fine.  A gesture like that may not sound like a big deal, but it was to me.  See, he’s not wine drinker, and he didn’t want me to feel bad for ordering something I didn’t like and it being wasted. (It’s in those small, easy to overlook moments that my feelings grow for him.) My drink was replaced with a wine I liked much  more and the conversation continued. We talked about everything and nothing, laughing and holding hands, smiling at each other and stopping mid sentence to smooch. I caught a glimpse of the woman behind us in a booth smiling at us.

Later at our table, we settled in to the deep cushions and high backs of the booth. Had it not been for the people seated about eight feet from us and the wait staff, I could have been easily convinced that he and I were the only people there.

We shared eggplant dip, artisan cheese plate, and bisque. He  had the filet and molten lava cake, I enjoyed the ossa bucca and cherry cheesecake. We shared samples of each others dishes, critiquing slightly as we dined.

Mid conversation, he changed the subject to talk about our relationship status. He looked directly at me, with intent as he spoke about how the important people in his life, and those that needed to know at work were aware that we we’d been seeing each other for the  past few months. He paused and a wave of what seemed to be nerves danced across his face for just a second. He smiled, I felt warm, my nerves rising in anticipation. It may have only been a few seconds in between his sentences, but it felt like an hour.  When he did continue speaking he said he wanted to make the switch from calling me Alishia, to calling me his girlfriend. I smiled and said that I’d love that. He beamed back at me with a light in his eye that I hadn’t seen before. (Super Swoon)

Later we watched the ball drop on his couch, curled up with his dog and a huge blanket. I fell asleep nestled against him full and happy. He took me home later that evening, agreeing to see each other very soon. I was too charged to go right to bed, so my sister, the girls and I stayed up watching movies and talking before falling back to sleep.

If NYE is any indication of how the rest of my year will be, sign me up twice…

#HappyNewYear2018

#WhatAlishiaLeethinks2018

 

100 Dates…..#95….Double Date…Kinda

Posted on by alishiadlee

Guy: Mr. P

Date: Via Vite, & The Rook

I’d been talking to my sister about Mr. P for a few weeks now, so when she told me she was coming home for winter break, I knew I wanted the two of them to meet. I could tell Mr. P was excited and slightly nervous to meet my family, figuring out right awat that he was going to be evaluated.

Mr. P and I had some time to kill before we met up with my sister and her BFF so we decided to head to Via Vite on the square for brunch. We got a nice walk in, holding hands and chatting about our busy week.  As we rounded the corner, I nearly threw up from walking into a gathering of pigeons  feasting on a pile of extremely fragrant vomit. Mr. P was calm during my mild freak out, lightening the mood by saying how it smelled like the result of bad choices from a night of drinking.

It was his first time at Via Vite, the gnocchi peaked his interest, which he ordered, mainly to compare to what he considers to be the best gnocchi he’s ever tasted. (His best friend owns a restaurant, he told me he’d like to take me sometime in the future..good sign) I noticed the conversation on my end died down as we ate. Luckily he continued to talk about his friend and the restaurant, their younger days etc. I was totally in my head during brunch, looking and listening to him, wondering if he could tell that I was catching feelings for him. He asked me if everything was OK right in the middle of one of my thoughts, so I quickly took another bite of food and nodded.

Later on we met up with my sister and pal, settling into the rook. Mr.P came alive, explaining the game play to us and taking care of everyone making sure we all had a good time. My sister shot me a few glances across the table as the night went on- I knew exactly what they meant, and of course the men were unaware.  We all had a great time, sharing games that they hadn’t played before. I got the full run down from my sister later, she enjoyed herself and had a decent enough observation of Mr. P to give a preliminary stamp of approval.

Another great date in the books. Another dose of the feels.

#WhatAlishiaLeeThinks

100 Dates…#94…Belly Laughs

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Guy: Mr. P

Date: Funny Bone & Dinner

What a night! We got all gussied up for a nice night on the town. We were a few hours early before show time so we made a plan to grab dinner and drinks before settling into the Funny Bone. We went back and forth on where to eat after walking in the cold air for a few minutes. Mr. P has a choosy palate so we opted for a burger joint we’d never been to before. We chatted each other up, having fairly deep conversation about love, trust and managing expectations. I enjoy listening to him talk about his views and experiences. He’s been through his own personal storms and has come out on the other side. Something tells me he is still holding back though, but fair is fair, I am holding back as well.

After dinner we walked over to a cabana themed bar, sitting close to the fireplace listening to fairly talented singer belt out stripped down versions of classic rock songs. He pulled me close to him on the couch, snuggling up, enjoying the contrast of the fireplace and cold air from outside the bar door. We walked slowly through the green space and, watching the intricate tree lights change into various colors and patterns. We nereded out a little, talking about the different ways the display could be accomplished.

We made a pit stop in the candy store, where we saw a tiny human have a complete meltdown over his mom saying he couldn’t have any candy. I couldn’t blame the kid fully, I mean, his mom did bring him into a wall to wall candy store.

 

We wound up with our own table right next to the stage. The feature act slayed the crowd, Mr. P belly laughing at most of the jokes. I was prepared to be messed with since we sat so close to the stage. In true comedic fashion the comic looks over at us and says how much he hates people that are in love.  My legs were resting on Mr. P’s (which the comic saw- his name escapes me) So he told me and to blink if Mr. P was kidnapping me or holding me against my will.  Mr. P cracked up (his laugh is amazing btw) and the crowd followed suit. Sadly the headliner was not as good so we focused on finishing our drinks and making cute faces at each other.

 

I wondered to  myself if we looked like we were in love…. I was certainly staring to feel some strong feels when it came to Mr. P….

#WhatAlishiaLeeThinks

100 Dates…. #93….WinterFest 2017

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Guy: Mr. Punctual

Date: Kings Island WinterFest

We’ve been pretty good at choosing outings that we both enjoy, while experiencing some new things together. (Turns out, we have a lot more in common than I initially thought we would) So, after having such a good time at Kings Island earlier in the month, I found it fitting to ask Mr. P on a low key casual date to KI for a little fun. He expressed how much he loved the Christmas season, (even though he wasn’t religious) so off we went.

He held me close as we walked through the park, site seeing and enjoying a few of the performances. We laughed, and sang our way through the park, stopping to share a funnel cake and take in a few more shows.

He showed a bit more of himself to me as he whispered snarky comments about the performers who looked unhappy or were off key. I had noticed he tends to “observe” people often when were out, sometimes being unnecessarily critical. He debated his point a few times when I gave him a disapproving glance or said “Be Nice!” I couldn’t quite tell if he was looking for conversation or being mean. Either way, it didn’t dampen the mood of the evening. I just hope he doesn’t trash talk people for sport.

As we walked, we ran into a few people I knew, only exchanging small talk before walking away. I wanted to observe him, and I got quite a lot. He looked so happy, the lights flashing, dancing on his face, how lighthearted he was. He caught me staring at him a few times, flashing his smile and thanking me for suggesting this night out.

After getting our fill of fun and cold, we walked out, still hand in hand smiling and talking about the next time we’d get together. I could hardly wait.

**************************************Plot Twist***********************************

As I thought about Mr. P in the days to follow, I decided to let go of any of the men I was still speaking to. Mr. P had monopolized my time for sure, but I didn’t want to divide my time or attention with any other man. They felt more like burdens than viable options at this point. It was telling for me…..it’s the first time this has happened, ever…….Not to sound like a horrible person, but I’ve always kept a few people in my back pocket – back up boos, or potentials that would respect whatever relationship I was in at the time, but wouldn’t hesitate to jump in the game if I called on them. It made dating easy because it didn’t matter if they stayed close or left me alone all together because I had someone on the side lines…

It was scary for me, tbh. Mr. P hadn’t given me any real assurance other than he wasn’t seeing anyone else. Funny thing is, that wasn’t even a motivator for me to make my decision. I just want him…It means I have no safety net, no back ups, no one to talk to when he’s unavailable….he has my undivided attention now. I hope he can handle it.

#WhatAlishiaLeeThinks

100 Dates….#92…She Said YES!!

Posted on by alishiadlee

Guy: Mr. Punctual

Date: Ugly Sweater/ Engagement party

I was pleasantly surprised when Mr.P asked me to be his date for his lady pal’s upcoming engagement party disguised as an ugly sweater party. His friend worked with me us in the past, so I was excited to see her and be a part of her special moment.

We arrived on time, or so we thought. Everyone was staged and ready for her to walk in so we caused a tiny stir when they all realized we weren’t the right folks.

I was introduced to the boyfriend, a bright eyed nervous fella with great hair. Shortly after introductions, it was show time. I ended up wedged right behind the boyfriend and the wall, with a great view of all of the action. As she walked up the stairs with her loved ones around, you could tell she was figuring out what was happening from how her face turned from confusion to excitement and joy as she cried, walking up to her man. He proposed, and she said yes, with all of the group cheering and clapping. ( I’m not crying you’re crying) I looked over at Mr. P who was all smiles. It felt myself get a little mystified looking over at him, digging how supportive he was for his friends.

Congratulations ensued, transitioning the fun to a full blown celebration. I caught up with her a bit as she worked her way through the crowd. Mr. P stayed close to me, often standing behind me, giving me kisses and resting his hand on my shoulder. I got to see a glimpse of his fiery side, when a guest walked by with one of Mr. P’s special beers in his hand. He brought a big case of Bud Light to share with the party, and six of his fancy man beers, so he was justified in his irritation.

After most of the guest had gone, we played a few card games and relaxed. He leaned over to tell me thank you for coming, and how glad he was that I was there with him.  He lingered on me from time to time, giving me his whole face smile that makes me giggle. I don’t think it was just the atmosphere and booze that gave me the feels.

It was a beautiful time, seeing someone say yes to the rest of their life with their person. I got invited to the wedding a year or so from now and no one freaked out, so that was a good sign. As we drove back to my place, I thought about our future, how I felt about Mr. P and how he felt about me. I could tell he was into me, enjoying dating…etc.  and we’ve talked about meeting each other’s people after the holidays, including my kids… It’s all moving really well and part of me is still holding back, waiting for the asterisk in his wonderfulness. Only time will tell.

#WhatAlishiaLeeThinks